(Untitled)

Today I have this horrible feeling coming back to me again. I feel that people dislike me, tend to hate me or label me as an arrogant person. I'M NOT! I'M NOT I'M NOT! I always have this thought that my look really gives people this impression. That's why I've always smiled whenever I can.

This feeling emerged stronger after a few incidents today.. first being yelled at the class. Am wondering why am I always being targeted? I don't even know about or talk to the instructor. And somehow I can sense his sarcasm and insincerity in his screaming. I can differentiate what is a sincere correction or a sarcastic humiliation.

Secondly while I was putting out my garbage just now, I met my neighbour so I said Hi. He was with his partner at the time, almost reaching his unit. So I try to make up some conversation like "Just came back from gym?". He gave me this frowned look and said "Yeah". "Oh I was there too! But I didn't see you" I said. He seems surprise and I can smell the tension in the air. So he said he was back late etc etc. Oh my, I felt awkward from that point onwards. It's like I'm trying to interrogate. Have I asked the wrong question? I'm just trying to be polite...

But there are a few good things today though. I just had my birthday celebration in the office and my colleague complimented me for some creative thing that I did.

Focus.. focus... focus on the positive things.. focus.. focus.. focus..