新年感想 CNY Thoughts

It’s been a while since the last time I blogged. I admit that I haven’t felt any excitement in doing it. I don’t know why. I guess I don’t have a talent in writing. But here I am. Sitting and tapping my keyboards at least there’s something I want to write about.

Chinese New Year is still going on. Today is the seventh day, which all Chinese know it’s the birthday in all human kind. This coincides with Christianity where God creates us at the seventh day.

Chinese New Year is about joy and celebration. But in modern times we lament about how fast we have gained weight during these 15 days. It’s the time of reunion and meals are inevitable.

Today my uncle and family came to my parent’s house for a visit. My cousin has come back from Scotland for the Chinese New Year and we were very delighted to see him. He graduated from an English University and he is now a design engineer at an oil & gas company in Scotland. He’s making big bucks I’m sure and he has a girl friend too. My uncle and aunt must be very proud of him.

My aunt as usual asked me if I have any girlfriend. I don’t know why but my natural response to this question was a strong head shake with a forceful smile. Occasionally I would look at my sister and trying to send her a message that I really didn’t know how to respond to this question appropriately anymore.

This time I was tempted to tell any close relative that their sons and daughters can go ahead and get married without waiting for me. FYI, I’m the first grandson in the family.

In a way I feel guilty to my parents. I think I have never made them proud. I didn’t bring home a girl friend. I could only bring home a dog which sometimes I thought my parents are treating her like their grandchild. I am not ambitious enough to make big bucks and I am not able to support them and at least make their life easier.

Strangely enough my suicide thoughts flashed through my mind for a moment. I imagined how I would look like if I hang myself. But then I thought my parents would not want to see that and I have so many friends that I always can spend quality time with. The thought naturally fades away.